Qiwamah and Wilayah & Women's Lived Realities

AT ONE GLANCE

 
 
Population 161,000,000
(World Bank, 2015)

Total fertility rate 2.2
children born per woman
(WEF, 2015)

Child marriage 18% of girls married by the age of 15 and 52% by the age of 18
(UNICEF, 2016)

Maternal mortality ratio (per 100,000 live births)
170 (WEF, 2015)

Life expectancy at birth
73 years for females,
70 years for males
(World Bank, 2014)

Religions (2010) 89.8% of
the population is Muslim,
9.1% Hindu and 1.2% other, including Buddhist, Christian, and folk religions
(Pew, 2012)

Literacy rate 58% for
women and 65% for men
(WEF, 2015)

Labour force participation (female, male)
60%, 87% (WEF, 2015)
 

The Bangladesh Life Stories Project was undertaken by a research team based at BRAC University, Dhaka. The team consisted of five academics and researchers: Moushumi Khan, Maheed Sultan, Sohela Nazneen and Sahida Khondaker, led by Samia Huq. The main goal of the project was to probe the secularist stance of women’s rights movements in Bangladesh and their ideological aversion to engagement with religion. The research team explored the significance of a new feminist approach that engaged with the religious tradition constructively while being firmly grounded in the lived realities of women. The team documented life stories of five Muslim Bangladeshi women from different age groups and socioeconomic backgrounds to observe the workings of qiwamah and wilayah in their lived realities.
 

Resource Persons*

 
Rafia (35 years old)
is a well-educated married woman. Born into a middle-class family, she had a happy childhood until the death of her father when she was 12. When tensions started between her mother and brothers over the household’s authority, Rafia escaped into a world of novels, where she built an ideal of masculinity and platonic romance. Rafia married for love but has faced problems in her marriage. Both she and her husband have struggled with Rafia’s role as the main breadwinner. These tensions, together with a miscarriage, led to emotional and physical distance from her husband, causing Rafia to fall into depression. She worked to overcome this with psychiatric help and increased self-awareness. Rafia is now a journalist at a popular daily newspaper in Bangladesh. She has repeatedly considered and initiated divorce, but the couple has decided to wait and try to work out their differences.

Ranu (55 years old)
is a married mother of seven children. Born into a lower-class family, she faced many troubles throughout her life, starting with the divorce of her parents when she was around seven years old. Ranu was then sent to work as a housemaid and faced several hardships such as marriage to a man who secretly had other wives, abandonment, kidnapping of her son by child traffickers and sexual harassment as a single mother. She eventually chose to enter a polygamous marriage with an older man to seek protection for her second child and to spare her child the struggles of living without male protection.

Ruba (45 years old)
is a married mother of three children. Born into a lower-class family, she took on the role of the caregiver for her ailing mother from a young age, thus denying her the opportunity to go to school. After her mother and then her father passed away, she was able to escape marrying a suitable boy from the village when, at the age of 18, she met and married a Chinese man who converted to Islam. They had a healthy relationship for most of their marriage. When her husband struggled to provide for the family because of low-paying or unstable jobs, Ruba took the initiative to start a catering business with his support and assistance, and they became more financially stable. Yet tensions began when Ruba became more religiously observant and expected the same from her husband. They have continued to live together but have grown physically and emotionally apart.

Sultana (45+ years old)
is a single mother of one daughter. Born into a poor rural family, she lost her father at a very young age and experienced a succession of hardships related to poverty and insecurity. Deprived of education, she was a child domestic worker and married around the age of 13. As a child bride she faced dowry-related abuses and violence from her husband and in-laws. Later, when her husband married a second wife without her consent, she decided to get divorced. She worked first in the fields and then as a domestic worker to serve as the sole provider for herself and her daughter, paying for her daughter’s studies and later for the costs of her marriage.

Simi (35 years old)
is a divorced woman. Born into an upper-middle-class family, she was raised in an egalitarian household with a caring father. Her parents invested in the education of their daughters and secured land in their names in order to preserve their financial independence and avoid inheritance issues with male relatives. Although she married a husband of her choice, she was disappointed by her husband’s neglect of his responsibilities and his abusive behaviour. She eventually filed for divorce and moved back to her father’s home. She is now working in the family business.
 
*Note that all of the resource persons’ names have been changed to protect their identities and that most of the quotations and stories have been translated, edited and condensed for clarity.
 

Women’s Economic Roles

 
Contrary to social expectations and despite the barriers faced by women in the public space, all of the resource persons from Bangladesh played active economic roles in their families. Sometimes, the combination of women taking on greater economic roles and men having difficulties earning a living created frustrations and tensions within the household . For instance, Rafia was already working as a teacher when she met her husband. Since she knew that her family would never accept an unemployed suitor, she decided to keep her marriage secret from her family until he found a job. However, Rafia continued to be the main breadwinner in the family, providing three-quarters of the household income, while her husband worked only erratically. When Rafia’s marriage started to fall apart, she found her pathway to empowerment through writing. After her participation in a writing workshop, she started to work as a journalist for a daily newspaper and this helped her rebuild her social and public life.

Similarly, Simi is a highly educated woman who was already economically independent when she met her husband. The mere fact that she earned more than her husband made her mother-in-law think that their marriage would not last. However, Simi never expected her husband to provide for her financially, but rather expected him to fulfil the role of guardian and protector. But her husband failed to fulfil his responsibilities, such as taking an active role in her family and supporting her when she needed help. Instead, he prioritized his own needs above everyone else’s. This, in addition to his occasional mental and physical violence in the home, led to the breakdown of their marriage. Simi’s economic independence through her earnings and her father’s wealth gave her the independence and self-confidence to end her marriage and to forgo any financial claims.

Within the Bangladeshi stories, the challenges related to changing realities of gender roles were greater for poor women. Since men are expected to maintain their wives financially, girls, particularly in poor households, are deprived of access to education and opportunities to participate in the public sphere. Thus, when women lose male guardians because of abandonment or death, they are more likely to become poor and be forced to work to earn a living for their parents, siblings, children and even husbands.

Sultana’s life story offers an example. After the death of their father, she and her sister were deprived of education and sent off to work as domestic workers in the village while their earnings were used to pay for the education of their younger brother. Their working conditions were extremely difficult and they also faced physical and verbal abuse from their employers. Married at the age of 12, Sultana was exploited by her in-laws and had to do all the household chores while being subjected to emotional and then physical abuse. After her husband married a second wife without her permission, Sultana decided to divorce. Sultana began to work in the rice fields to provide for the needs of herself and her daughter. Later, she took up domestic work to pay for her daughter’s education. Sultana never received any financial support from her ex-husband; she raised her daughter by herself and even paid for her wedding expenses.

Similarly, after the divorce of her parents, Ranu was sent to work as a domestic worker and had an early arranged marriage. Once married, Ranu took a job at a garment factory to contribute to the household income while managing domestic chores and physically struggling with her first pregnancy. When she was four months pregnant, her husband deserted her and she lost her job. She could not earn a living because nobody wanted to hire a pregnant woman, and was forced to live on earnings from small sewing jobs. Illiterate and without family support, Ranu faced a succession of hardships such as extreme poverty, the sickness of her son, his kidnapping and the threat of falling prey to traffickers. After her re-marriage, Ranu continued to work in garment factories and as a domestic worker to raise her children. Even after the marriage of her daughters, she has helped them provide for their families as their husbands are not fulfilling their responsibilities.

Ruba also held the role of primary breadwinner. From early in their marriage, Ruba and her husband faced financial difficulties. Therefore, Ruba started working in a Chinese restaurant owned by her brother-in-law. Although her family-in-law would often object to her working close to the male kitchen staff, she kept working and her income soon became necessary for the sustainment of the household. Indeed, after the birth of their second child, Ruba’s husband lost his job and their income became unstable.

But Ruba had acquired the skills to cook Chinese food, which helped her to establish her own catering business in partnership with her husband. Despite their continuing financial challenges because of the growing needs of their children, Ruba and her husband built a strong marriage of care and mutual management of the household income. They had few of the tensions faced by the other resource persons even though Ruba was the primary earner. Their conflicts began only after Ruba became increasingly religious and expected the same from her husband, to no avail.
 

Male Guardianship & Anxieties about Gender Roles

 
One of the prominent features of the life stories documented in Bangladesh was the weight of social and religious norms on gender roles, which brought both women and men anxiety and unhappiness because these norms did not fit their lived realities. The resource persons’ lives were marked by a spectrum of issues including abandonment by male guardians, lack of female bonds, pressure to get married and experience motherhood, and spousal abuse.

For instance, Rafia and Simi were both inspired by the egalitarian relationships of their parents from which they drew their ideal model of gender roles. Although their mothers did not provide for the household, they had a say in the decision making, were granted independence to manage their own savings and were respected and protected by their fathers. Both Rafia’s and Simi’s fathers secured land in the names of their daughters, invested in their education and saved money for their weddings. The idea of the male guardian serving as a protector of the assets and well-being of his female wards had a strong impact on Rafia and Simi’s lives. Although they both cherished their economic independence, their ideals of marriage and family focused on the guardianship role of their husbands—a role that both of their husbands failed to fulfil.

When Rafia’s father passed away, Rafia expected her brothers to undertake the role of her male guardian and help her find a suitable groom. However, not only were her brothers unable to locate a suitable match for her, they fought to become the authority figure in the family, and then tried to take over Rafia’s and her sister’s rightful shares of property. This created anxieties and doubts in Rafia’s sense of self and life perspectives. Disillusioned by her brothers, Rafia expected that marriage would bring her a certain level of companionship and protection. When she met her husband, he was unemployed. Her family would thus not consider him a suitable suitor, so she entered into a secret marriage. However, Rafia continued to be the main breadwinner. Her husband was unable to keep a steady job, which enhanced his feeling of humiliation. After Rafia’s miscarriage, the distance grew between them. Her husband felt alienated by the reversed spousal roles and therefore withheld physical intimacy. Rafia felt resentful that he was no longer emotionally and physically available. Their marriage suffered because they had both internalized traditional norms dictating that a husband should provide and a wife should bear children.

In the case of Simi, the contradiction between her husband’s failure to fulfil his guardianship role and his attempt to retain authority created tensions that led to their divorce. Although she was the main breadwinner, she had nothing against his acting as the figurative head of the household provided that he fulfilled his obligations to protect his wife and his extended family. However, he failed to perform his duties both as husband and son-in-law.

Rafia and Simi’s stories reflect how traditional norms relating to male guardianship and fixed gender roles in the family create unhappiness and frustration, as these norms do not reflect lived realities. Yet social acceptability is still derived from these norms.

All the resource persons, regardless of class, expected their husbands to be their guardians and protectors but none of the men fulfilled this role. Ranu and Sultana, who are both in lower classes, found that their situations were made worse by the interlinkage of the lack of male guardians, patriarchy, harsh living conditions and their own economic roles. Both suffered from the abandonment of their male guardians—for Sultana because of her father’s death, and for Ranu because of her parents’ divorce and father’s remarriage. Ranu and Sultana experienced child labour, physical abuse and early marriage. Their marriages brought them more troubles because they were unable to secure male protection for themselves and their children. Yet both Ranu and Sultana managed to find their own ways to support and protect their children, juggling multiple roles as caregivers, providers, and guardians.

Throughout their lives, Ranu and Sultana have longed for male protection and financial maintenance, the absence of which they believed to be at the root of their misery. However, they both learned to rely on themselves and discovered their inner strengths and abilities to overcome their hardships.

Women Speak : Ranu’s Life Story

A floating childhood: rejection and abuse

I was born in Muradnagar in Comilla district. My parents had lost three daughters in infancy and were left with two live daughters—my sister, who was three years older than me, and myself. My father was a farmer and owned a lot of land, but both my sister and I were never able to claim a share of his assets.

It all started with the divorce of my parents when I was about seven years old. My sister and I wanted to live with our mother, but she left for our grandparents’ home and our maternal uncles promised that they would take us later.

Meanwhile, we remained at my father’s home. We were hungry most of the time because nobody took care of us and we were too young to be able to cook. Some nights, we wouldn’t even have oil to light lamps. We would sit scared in the dark, in one corner of the room, waiting for my father to return home. I would cry out of hunger and fear of the dark and my sister would console me.

One evening my father came home with his new wife. Our stepmother was very nice to us in front of him. But when he went out, she would make us do the household chores, would keep food from us and even beat us. If our aunts protested, she would fight with them and then hit us even more. My father would pretend that he wasn’t aware of what was going on. Unable to endure this maltreatment, we asked to be sent back to our mother.

In the meantime, our mother had remarried a widower who had children of his own. She left us at our maternal grandparents’ home and promised that she would come back to get us soon. But her new husband never let her take us back. He had so many children himself and he couldn’t afford two more mouths to feed. Although our grandmother took care of us, our maternal uncles were not keen on providing for us, so we were sent back to our father. The cycle of verbal and physical abuse from our stepmother started again. We sought protection from our paternal uncles and aunts, but this led to the reverse. Our father became angry and took us to the edge of the village, put us on a boat and told the boatman to leave us at sea to die! The boatman didn’t drown us but dropped us off at the other side of the river.

We walked from road to road. When night fell, we would sleep under trees or in a stranger’s backyard. One day, our father’s cousin spotted us and offered to take us home but, out of fear of our father, we refused. However, this cousin informed our father, who found us and took us with him. Once home, he severely beat us. The cycle of abuse started again. Seeing our condition, a relative took us back to our grandmother’s but once again we faced our maternal uncles’ rejection. My sister could not bear it anymore, so she attempted to hang herself. My grandmother came to her rescue.

After this, my grandmother sent my sister to work in a relative’s home and sent me to work as a domestic helper in Chittagong. Once my sister and I went to different places, we never saw each other again. Later, my sister married a migrant worker and died soon after. I never knew the details that led to her death, but I presume that it may have happened at childbirth. My mother also had trouble at childbirth and finally died some time later giving birth.

Marriage, abandonment, trafficking and survival

My first experience of domestic work did not end well. I broke a saucer and, out of fear of being reprimanded, I fled. I took a train to Dhaka and found work in a house in the Cantonment area. The employer was kind to me and arranged my marriage with a rickshaw puller. Although our marriage was registered in a qadi (Islamic judge) office, I never received my mahr (dower).

After our marriage, I moved out to my husband’s house in Jatrabari. Once there, I found out that my husband had already been married several times and that he was known for picking up a wife wherever he went! My heart was broken but there wasn’t anything to be done; a woman must endure. I took a job at a garment factory while my husband continued to pull rickshaws.

Some time later, I got pregnant. When I reached my fourth month of pregnancy, I started suffering from constant nausea and found it difficult to cope with work. This is when my husband disappeared. I started to look for him but I could not find him; he just fled. I figured he probably went back to live with one of his wives. Shortly thereafter, I lost my job and could not find another because no one wanted to hire a pregnant woman. I spent the rest of my pregnancy in extreme poverty and lived off small sewing chores. I gave birth to a son. Hungry and weak, I did not have enough breast milk. I begged and borrowed money to be able to buy some formula for him, but the child was unwell and cried all the time.

When my son was four months old, my husband reappeared. He said he had been at his village in Jessore the whole time. He came back because his mother wanted him to take me to the village. At first I was reluctant, but then I thought that at least I would have a roof over my head and could eat properly. However, even there, my husband didn’t have a regular income and there was little food at home. My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law were working in Mumbai. They told my husband to send me to work with them there but I could not envisage parting with my sick child. If I went there, God knows when I would see him again. So I escaped the pressure by running away to Dhaka.

Once in Dhaka, I couldn’t get work anywhere because of my child and his illness. So I put my son in the Komlapur Hospital and took a job at a nearby garment factory. However, as soon as my son was released from the hospital, I lost my job. This is when a lady from my slum approached me and offered me a good position in Dhaka. I was very excited because I’d finally be able to overcome the odds and make a decent life for my child and myself. I left my son with someone in the slum and went to Dhaka. Once there, I decided to first visit my prior employer who had married me off. She welcomed me but warned me about my job prospect. She said that I was about to fall prey to a trafficking and forced-prostitution network. I was horrified and decided to leave the slum. Alas, when I went back to fetch my child, he wasn’t there! The family with whom I left him denied that I had ever left him with them. I returned home, gathered a few people and went back to their house but the family was gone. I never saw them again. Until now, I don’t know where my son is, or whether he’s dead or alive. I went mad after this incident. I used to wander the streets looking for my son day and night.

Then, one day, my husband turned up again and asked me to forgive him. I took him back and fell pregnant. Soon after, he disappeared again. This was the last time I saw him. I was in a complete desperate state. I had lost my child, was abandoned by my husband again and was living in the slum pregnant and alone. At night, men would bang on the door and throw rocks at my window. During daytime, when I went out, they would send me lewd propositions. I was feeling unsafe and constantly harassed. I needed a man for protection, so I decided to marry again.

Second marriage: seeking male protection

I received several marriage proposals but none of the men wanted to take responsibility for my child. Finally, an old man who had older children offered to share the parenting responsibility for my still unborn child. For me, my child was the priority. I wanted to protect him and to keep him close to me at all times. Therefore, I went to the Jatrabari qadi office, divorced my first husband and married ‘Oldie’. My mahr was 5,000 takas (USD64).

We set up home in a shed in Agargaon slum. Soon after, I gave birth to a son. Once he was born, Oldie was reluctant to recognize my son publicly. He said that they didn’t share the same blood. When my son got older, he even threw him out of the house a few times. His children from his previous marriage behaved the same way, refusing to treat my son as one of them.

I worked very hard—in garment factories and in people’s homes—to raise my son, who is now a driver of a private car. He is married. He buys groceries for me and looks after me as much as he can. I also have two daughters and three sons with Oldie. My son looks after all his stepsiblings. My husband’s children are well settled with jobs but they don’t ask about my children.

Much like my first husband, Oldie never earned much. So, with all these mouths to feed, I returned to my father’s home some years ago, hoping to get some financial assistance. My father owned several parcels of land and my stepsiblings were doing well. I gathered all the courage I had and went to see my father to ask him to give me a piece of land so that I could put up a shed and live there with my children. My father was furious. He said all his land was for his sons. He told me that if I was going to ask for money or property, I should never come back, not even to visit. I also went to my maternal uncles because my mother should have had some rightful shares from her parents’ property. My uncles didn’t want to part with anything. I tried to file a case but my uncles bribed the court to prove that they never had any sister, let alone a niece.

So I never got much assistance. I’ve always had to fend for myself. One would think that now that my children were working, I would get some respite. My son helps me out from time to time. But I still find myself contributing towards my daughters’ households. Even though they themselves work and earn, their husbands are very demanding. My eldest daughter earns 8,000 takas (USD102) a month, which her husband takes away. This Eid, my daughter gave me 500 takas (USD6.40) and her mother-in-law said, “A thief transfers money to another thief!” The fact that they all take my daughter’s income is nothing. The fact that her son takes money from me is also nothing. But it’s a big deal if my daughter gives me anything. It’s insufferable but I stay quiet for the sake of my daughter.

 
 

Gender Equality

 
Ranking 64th out of 145 countries in the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report 2015, Bangladesh achieved several developmental feats that have improved the lives of women through gender-sensitive programmes such as providing women better access to micro-credit, education and healthcare. Bangladesh has made tremendous progress by achieving gender parity in primary and secondary education. In 2015, more girls were enrolled than boys due to the removal of tuition fees for girls in rural areas. Yet challenges remain. Despite the increase in educational levels, attrition for female students is extremely high and males complete secondary education in greater numbers than their female counterparts. Poverty and early marriage keep the attrition rates for women high.
 
Gender wage gaps are observed in every industry with an estimated earned income two times lower for women than men in 2015. Furthermore, cultural models and social norms that discriminate against women persist in Bangladesh, which hinder the process of development. Girls continue to be considered as financial burdens on their families, particularly in poverty stricken rural areas. They receive less investment in healthcare than their male counterparts, resulting in malnutrition and pressure toward early marriage. Bangladesh has the fifth-highest rate of child marriage in the world, with 52% of girls married before the age of 18 between 2005 and 2013 (UNICEF). Early marriage leads to early childbirth, which is associated with higher maternal mortality and health complications.
 
Women in Bangladesh also fall prey to various forms of violence ranging from sexual harassment to rape, murders related to dowry demands, acid attacks, trafficking and forced prostitution. Despite numerous national laws and ratification of regional and international conventions pertaining to combating trafficking, about 100 children and 50 women are trafficked every month from Bangladesh to foreign countries (CWCS).
 
 

Political & Legal System

 

The People’s Republic of Bangladesh is a parliamentary democracy based on the accountability of the executive (the President and the Prime Minister) to the unicameral parliament. The country has a common law-based jurisdiction. The main sources of law in Bangladesh are the Constitution (1972, amended fifteen times), the laws enacted by the legislature and interpreted by the Supreme Court, customs, and Islamic law for Muslims. Although supportive of secularism, amended article 2A to the 1972 Constitution provides that the state religion is Islam while ensuring equal status and equal right in the practice of religious minorities. There is no uniform civil law that governs family law matters in Bangladesh but there are several personal laws applicable to each community—Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Buddhist and tribes.
 
While the 1972 Constitution guarantees women’s equality before the state and in public life, Muslim women often face gender-based inequalities under customary practices and patriarchal interpretations of Islamic principles. Muslim personal laws in Bangladesh are discriminatory in their embrace of polygamy, their greater barriers to divorce and child guardianship for women than men, their limited provisions on maintenance, and women’s unequal share of inheritance. Most Muslim personal laws are unwritten and based on the Hanafi school of jurisprudence. There are a few pieces of legislation regulating family matters, such as the Muslim Marriages and Divorces (Registration) Act (1972), which requires civil registration of marriages, and the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance (1961), which establishes penalties for polygamous marriages that contravene the law (consent of the first wife and local government arbitration). However, ‘unlawful marriages’ are not invalidated or penalized.

 

Despite some progress, there is still a large gap between the legal provisions that safeguard the rights of women and their implementation on the ground in Bangladesh. The country ratified CEDAW with reservations in 1984. It withdrew its reservations to articles 13(a) and 16(1)(f) in 1997 but still maintains reservations to articles 2 and 16(c). The Government has stated that it is committed to enshrining gender equality in its domestic legislation. Women’s groups and activists are playing an important role in advocating for the strict enforcement of laws against early marriage, rape, trafficking, prostitution and against all forms of discrimination against women in personal laws.