Qiwamah and Wilayah & Women's Lived Realities
AT ONE GLANCE
Population 79,100,000
(World Bank, 2015)
Total fertility rate 1.9
children born per woman
(WEF, 2015)
Child marriage 3% of girls married by the age of 15 and 17% by the age of 18
(UNICEF, 2016)
Maternal mortality ratio (per 100,000 live births)
23 (WEF, 2015)
Life expectancy at birth
77 years for females,
74 years for males
(World Bank, 2014)
Religions (2010) The
majority of the population is Muslim (99.5%), and there are small Christian, Zoroastrian, Jewish and Ba'hai minorities (Pew, 2012)
Literacy rate 83% for
women and 91% for men
(WEF, 2015)
Labour force participation (female, male)
18%, 77% (WEF, 2015)
Due to specific circumstances in Iran, the Life Stories project was undertaken by one researcher, Hoda Mobasseri, who documented life stories of three Iranian women who were eager to share their stories and be involved with Musawah. The main aim of the project was to learn and build gender-sensitive religious knowledge, starting from the resource persons themselves.
Resource Persons*
Elham (34 years old)
is a divorced mother of one daughter. She has strong religious convictions and originally believed that God would grant her a respectful and pious husband. However, her marriage was a daily round of humiliation and ended with a painful process of divorce. For the sake of her daughter, she transformed her hardship into strength and became financially independent. She worked first as a teacher, then as travel agent, and recently became a fashion designer. Elham does not trust men anymore and has rejected many suitors.
Zahra (31 years old)
is a highly educated woman in an unhappy marriage. She was raised in a religious but difficult family environment. Although a graduate of a medical school, she grew up with low self-esteem and fear of interacting with people. She eventually met her husband through relatives and left Iran to live with him in the United States. There, she faced the hardship of living in a Western country combined with humiliation at the hands of her in-laws. Over time her husband abandoned her and entered into a temporary marriage with his American girlfriend. She is now seeking a divorce.
Nasibah (18 years old)
is a young student who still lives with her parents and two siblings. She suffers from her father’s authority and patriarchal rules. Prevented from making choices in her life, she feels trapped and sees marriage as an escape route. She has been in a long-term relationship with a boy but her father refuses to consent to their marriage. She is currently seeking a job in order to become economically independent.
*Note that all of the resource persons’ names have been changed to protect their identities and that most of the quotations and stories have been translated, edited and condensed for clarity.
Difficult Access to Divorce
Under Iranian family laws, like most Muslim family laws, women and men have unequal access to divorce. Unlike marriage, which is a bilateral legal act requiring the consent of both contracting parties, termination of marriage can be a unilateral act that takes legal effect only through the declaration of the husband (talaq). After the 1979 Revolution, men’s right to talaq was partially restored and they were no longer required to provide grounds; however, no divorce can be registered without a court order. Between 1979 and 1992 a man could register a divorce with his wife’s consent or a court order.
The 1992 Amendment to Divorce Regulations once again outlawed registration of a divorce without a court order. Since then, every divorcing couple must come to court. Men are still not required to provide grounds, but women can obtain a divorce only upon establishing one of the recognized grounds, which are basically the same as those available to them before the 1979 Revolution, and which are similarly written into marriage contracts. This Amendment also allows the appointment of female advisory judges to cooperate with the main judge. More importantly, it enables the court to place a monetary value on women’s housework, and to force the husband to pay her ujrat al-mithl (‘wages in kind’) for her work during marriage, provided that the divorce was not initiated by her or caused by any fault of hers. Now, every divorcing couple is required to go before arbiters, one chosen by each side. If the arbiters fail to reconcile the couple, the court allows the husband to effect a divorce only after he has paid his wife all her dues: dower (mahr), waiting period (‘iddah) maintenance and ujrat al-mithl.
In some cases, husbands use this right to divorce as a lever to force their wives to waive their rights. For instance, Elham, whose story is told below, went through a long and painful process of divorce, with her husband setting up obstacles along the way to try to punish her and protect himself.
The practice of asking a heavy mahr is often used to ensure women’s rights in case of marital conflict or divorce. Indeed, men’s unilateral right to divorce is checked by social and legal sanctions through the conditions negotiated and stipulated in the marriage contract. Thus, informed Iranian women can state their rights to divorce, child custody, work and education among their conditions for marriage. In these cases, the husband keeps the right to initiate divorce but delegates it to his wife through a contractual stipulation.
With the rise of men misusing their right to divorce and women’s increasing claim to equal treatment, Iranian lawmakers were forced to expand women’s limited rights to exit unwanted marriages. They used the legal concept of ‘hardship or suffering’ (‘usr-o haraj), which enables a woman to obtain a court divorce if the continuation of marriage entails hardship (1982 and 2002 Amendments to Civil Code, article 1130). Nevertheless, judges still have discretion to define what constitutes ‘hardship’ and to decide whether it applies.
As shared in her story, Elham sued her husband for not fulfilling his duties: not providing for his daughter’s school tuition, being unfaithful and violent to his wife, and preventing her entering the house by changing the locks. Although she collected evidence, she had trouble proving that her husband could provide for her but did not. The legal process dragged on and she was only released by her husband because of his second marriage.
Male Authority & Women's Authority
One of the prominent features of the life stories documented in Iran was the weight of male authority in the resource person’s lives, based on the legal and social power of the qiwamah and wilayah principles. The Iranian civil code clearly provides in its article 1105 that the position of the head of the family exclusively belongs to the husband in return for the duty of providing food, clothing and shelter for his wife and children (1106). This set of default rights and duties entails the authority of male guardians (father, grandfather or husband) and the subordination of female wards (daughter or wife).
As a result, most men believe they have the right and moral duty to control their wives and daughters in respect of education, marriage, career and other areas of life, as is reflected in the experiences of all three resource persons. For instance, Nasibah was subjected to the abusive control of her father. Although he refused to support her financially, he still claimed to have control over her activities and social relationships. Not only was Nasibah supposed to work to provide for herself, she also had to perform household chores. Indeed, her father believed that maintaining the household was a female duty but he did not question his failure to provide financial maintenance.
The principle of male guardianship and authority infringes on women’s autonomy and right to make key decisions regarding their lives, such as marriage and divorce. For instance, in Iran, the marriage of a virgin woman is still dependent on the permission of her male natural guardian (vali-ye-qahri). However, women have the possibility to override their guardian’s opposition by obtaining the permission of the civil court. Nevertheless, in reality few women are able to challenge the moral authority of their fathers, as Nasibah’s story underscores. Feeling imprisoned by her father’s restrictions, Nasibah considered marriage as an escape route from his abusive control. Yet again her father was a major obstacle barring her way to marriage. When Nasibah wanted to marry a man she had known for more than four years, everybody in both families agreed to their union except her father. Since the marriage could not happen without his agreement, Nasibah had no other solution but to wait for her father’s permission.
Zahra found all her attempts to socialize prevented by her husband and in-laws, who controlled all her movements—even when she took out the garbage. Her in-laws took advantage of Zahra being intimidated by living in a foreign country and also used the threat of Islamophobia to justify restrictions they imposed on her. For instance, when Zahra got her driving licence, her husband gave his second car to his brother. When Zahra asked to have at least a bicycle, her husband responded that it would be too dangerous for a woman wearing a hijab to ride a bike.
Guardianship and male authority as a protection system hinders women’s ability to take initiative and to manage their personal lives. For instance, while facing the failure of her marriage, Elham could not exercise agency and make the legal choices she wanted because of her husband and father’s control over her. After the divorce, she gained economic independence and self-confidence, but her husband retained authority over her because he was the legal guardian of their daughter and thus had a say at all stages of her life.
Women Speak : Elham’s Life Story
Youth and gender inequality
I don’t remember experiencing segregation or gender discrimination during my childhood, except that, as girls growing up in a female-dominated household, we used to think that my grandmother favoured boys. The first time I experienced the double standards of patriarchy was when at the age of 19, my engagement ended because my fiancé was in love with another girl. My family members were not surprised by his attitude and thought it was natural for a boy to be involved in more than one relationship. They even argued that we should not break our engagement and should accept things as they were. But I could not accept this injustice. I could not understand why a girl was supposed to preserve her virginity until marriage and a boy not. I was convinced that God was just and that there was a hidden wisdom behind this. I remembered the following verse of the Qur’an: “Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision” (24:26).
Marriage
Seven months after breaking the engagement, I had a new suitor. I believed that things would work this time. God would compensate for my loss and send me someone who never had sexual relationships before marriage. Amir was a suitor from a rich family and a high social class. His family was religious and held regular ceremonies and Qur’an recitations in their house. My mother told me that by marrying this man I would succeed in this world as well as in the Hereafter. Before the marriage, I kept performing specific prayers for guidance (zikr). My father did not like it because he was concerned that I might get disappointed if things did not work. After the proposal, my fiancé’s family started to rush for our engagement. They had performed the prayer of consultation (istikhareh) and said that the marriage should happen soon, otherwise they would lose the bride. I personally wanted to take time to get to know him better but my father disagreed and had the last word. Shortly after, we got married.
In the beginning of our marriage, I was thankful to God for granting me such a good husband. When we were going to travel to the UAE, Amir wanted me to wear fashionable dresses, like the tight ones girls wore on the street. But I refused; I felt I had to be grateful to Allah for granting me this marriage and I demonstrated this by wearing modest clothes.
Marital conflicts and emotional abuse
I soon found out that my husband and his family were selfish but I kept tolerant and silent. My family-in-law was very intrusive and never allowed us to spend time alone, infringing on our intimacy. These daily issues became unbearable when my husband started having relationships with other women.
When my daughter was five months old, I found out about my husband’s extra-marital adventures from one of the employees of his company. While still breastfeeding my daughter, I fell into depression. I felt that once again unwanted things were imposed on me but I could not think about divorce. One month later, I was supposed to go to Mecca with my husband and his family. However, following my husband’s infidelity, I felt that I deserved to spend these holidays with my own family. Amir came with us but he continued to go out at night. He would leave the house around 11pm and come back around 5am. My grandmother started to ask where Amir was going and I pretended not to know. Then, my grandfather locked the door but Amir asked him to give him the key. At that time I was lost and did not know how to react. I could not leave my six-month-old baby and go after Amir to spy on him.
Following these holidays, my father went to talk to Amir’s parents even though I asked him not to. Those talks were supposed to stay confidential but the in-laws informed Amir. This widened the emotional gap between us. Eight months later, I went to a counsellor who advised me: “Don’t waste your time with this man; go for a divorce. Your husband has several girlfriends, he does not go to work and he is not responsible.” When Amir found out about this, he got angry, went to the counsellor’s house and threatened her.
One day, I told Amir that I did not love him anymore and I asked him to leave me alone. I knew he was still having relationships with other women. He claimed that he stopped his relationships and that I could check if he was still seeing someone. However, the day after this discussion, Amir called my mother and asked her to come to take me and our daughter, otherwise he would kill us.
First separation
I stayed in my parent’s home for 40 days and then I moved back to my husband’s house. However, we stayed emotionally and sexually apart. I knew that my husband was still having extra-marital relationships but I pretended not to know. At the same time, I feared that he would not give me nafaqah (maintenance) because we started sleeping apart. During that time, I lived in constant fear because my husband became more and more aggressive, threatened to bring other women into our house, controlled my movements and took my jewellery. Once he took my daughter with him and left me alone in the house at night. Another time he kicked me in the street because I had not bought bread. Following this event, my father hired a lawyer and told Amir that it was the last time he would hit his daughter. I begged my father to let me return to his house but he refused and asked me to wait.
I finally left Amir in July 2007, when my daughter was almost three years old. I was enjoying my freedom in my parents’ home. After one month, I decided to become financially independent from my father and started working as a teacher. Even before I earned my first salary, I sold some leftover packs of baby diapers and a piece of fabric. It was important for me to gain my economic independence. When I received my first salary, I registered my daughter in a nursery. Later, I started doing private tutoring and some translation work at night.
Caught between husband and father
One month later, my father hired a lawyer because Amir had changed the door locks to prevent me from entering the house. Moreover, he had not yet paid me the nafaqah (maintenance) and mahr (dower) which were due. As a result, Amir came and said he did not want to divorce me. So I decided to try to make our marriage work out and went to Mecca with Amir’s family. However, during the whole trip, my husband neglected me and was distant. When we went back to Iran, Amir asked me to leave again for my father’s home.
The summer after I left Amir’s home for the second time, I became a teacher in an institute. My life started to become stable. My daughter was attending preschool and my father was paying for her tuition fees. I was planning to pay him back when I received my mahr. Amir kept saying: “You have to earn your divorce”, meaning that I should withdraw my claim for mahr.
One day, Amir asked me to collect my jahaz (furniture of the marital home) and all my belongings in the house. However, when I informed my father, he refused. I was so tired. I felt caught in the middle of a war between my father and my husband. My father insisted on waiting rather than pursuing the divorce. Had I been strong enough, I would have pushed for the divorce.
My father filed a lawsuit against Amir to claim nafaqah and mahr. If the husband does not pay nafaqah for four months, he can be fined. If it is more than six months, he may go to jail unless his wife forgoes her claim to the nafaqah he owes her. We collected evidence from neighbours and acquaintances that Amir had not paid nafaqah, had hit me and had inconvenient visitors.
In the first court appearance, Amir tried to turn the case in his favour. I was very emotional, cried and said that I wanted to make my marriage work. The judge asked Amir if he would find a flat for me and he agreed. But in the second court appearance, the situation had not changed. The judge told us to leave and he would proceed with the case. The next week, the judge called me and said that Amir had got me a flat. When I called Amir to thank him, he responded: “You want to get back to the relationship; I will now teach you a lesson.” I recorded Amir’s voice and gave it to the judge.
When we appeared in the court for the third time, Amir said that he has some conditions for me to stay in the marriage. First, I should not work, as he would pay me nafaqah. Second, our daughter should not go to school. Third, I should not visit with my parents or other family members. I started laughing. The judge got angry and threw all the documents in the air. He asked us to leave until the next court appearance. In the time being, I found out that Amir had bought shares in the stock market and informed my lawyer. This was the proof that he had money while he was not providing nafaqah.
Divorce and empowerment
In April 2010, the divorce case was filed. Later, Amir married another woman. I do not know when he started his relationship with her. Because of his new marriage, Amir gave me the nafaqah and consented to divorce in November 2010. Custody of our daughter was with Amir but he wanted to live his own life. I was thus in charge of her and gained Amir’s permission for a period of five years to take her out of the country. However, Amir’s mother still tries to control our daughter’s actions. She keeps lecturing her: do not practise piano, do not polish your nails, you should wear a chador, you should not put cream on, etc. As a result, our daughter started to fear God’s punishment for her sins. I told her that her father was the first one to commit sins by not performing his duty of child maintenance.
Following the divorce, I have been going to therapy sessions. I used to blame myself because I refused to face reality from the beginning. Now, I realize that all our experiences are for us to improve and I stopped blaming myself for the problems I confronted. Since that time, I have received many proposals for short-term (siqah) and permanent marriage. I also received offers from married men. But I don’t want to have a relationship for now. My first fiancé tried to reconnect with me and contacted me through email. He even asked me to marry him and said he would divorce his wife for my sake. But I have reached the conclusion that it is better to stay away from men because they abuse you and do not come to love you.
Many men do not accept that you have a child and it ends up only about having a sexual relationship. I would like to be in a relationship to feel loved. I am happy with my current situation, which is stable and smooth, and I do not want to risk my position by entering into a new relationship.
Gender Equality
The Iranian Constitution of 1979 assigns women ‘special rights’ and the ‘precious duty of motherhood’. Women and men have manifestly different social roles and duties. Consequently, gender-based discrimination is neither recognized nor prohibited by law. Inequality between Iranian men and women exists in access to employment, economic resources and political participation. While the gap between women and men in primary, secondary and tertiary education has started to close, in 2012 the Iranian Government introduced bans on female and male enrolment in specific academic fields with the greatest restrictions on women. Moreover, in 2015 the estimated earned income was more than five times higher for men compared to women, and women’s unemployment was double that of men (19.8% vs 8.6%). The largest gender gap is in the political field, with women comprising only 3% of Parliament and 10% of ministerial positions.
Political & Legal System
The Iranian Revolution of 1979 brought clerics to power and led to the creation of an Islamic Republic, a complex institutional framework that reflects both democratic and theocratic legitimacies. The former is expressed through the direct popular vote to elect legislative and executive bodies. The latter is embodied in the institutions of guardianship of the jurist (velayat-e faqih) or Leadership (rahbari) and the Guardian Council (shura-ye negahban) composed of 12 members, six of whom are clerics appointed by the Leader, the other six being laymen nominated by the head of the judiciary and approved by Parliament, with a tenure of six years. The Constitution grants the Leader—the ruling jurist—a wide mandate and a final say in running the state and charges the Guardian Council with deciding whether laws passed by Parliament con form to the Shari‘ah and the Constitution. In effect, they are the official interpreters of both the Constitution and Shari‘ah.
The main sources of Iranian law are the 1979 Constitution (amended in 1989); primary Islamic sources (Qur’an and Sunnah) and secondary commentaries based on these (dominated by the Ja’fari school of law); legislation (enacted by Parliament); regulations (promulgated by the Government); customs and revolutionary principles. The Constitution provides in its article 4 that all laws and regulations should adhere to ‘Islamic principles’. Following the 1979 Iranian Revolution, Shari‘ah-based provisions within existing laws remained in force, which for matrimonial matters includes the Marriage Law (1931), relevant articles of the Civil Code (codified in 1935, amended several times since), Family Protection Law (1976), Amendment to Divorce Law (1992) and Protection of Family Act (2012).
With the ascendancy of the Shi‘a clerics, the state embarked on a process of ‘Islamization’ of law and society, with some negative consequences for women and civil society. Family and criminal laws became the main target of the ‘Islamization’ of the legal system; legal reforms introduced in the 1960s that gave women easier access to divorce and child custody were dismantled soon after the Revolution, and in 1983, with the enactment of Islamic Criminal Law, zina laws were revived. Iran’s contemporary family laws are discriminatory and give greater rights in marriage and divorce to men than women. While the former have access to polygamy, temporary marriages and unilateral right to divorce, the latter need their husbands’ consent for several actions, have limited access to divorce and inherit half of what men do. However, the dynamism of Iranian civil society has led to the implementation of a few measures to protect women’s rights, such as the requirement that divorces be registered and the institution of a right for wives to be paid for doing housework.
Iran is among the very few countries that have not ratified CEDAW. Ratification has been envisaged twice in 1997 and 2003, but the Guardian Council rejected the bills based on its interpretation that CEDAW’s conception of equality is not compatible with their understanding of Islam. In 2013, CEDAW ratification was again raised by women’s groups, who made it one of their main demands during the presidential campaign that led to the election of the pragmatic and moderate Hassan Rouhani. But this demand has yet to be met.
