Women's Experiences: A Transnational Overview

 
 
The concepts of qiwamah and wilayah—loosely understood as men’s authority and guardianship over women—manifest themselves in the 55 stories that were documented from the nine countries (Bangladesh, Canada, Egypt, the Gambia, Indonesia, Iran, Malaysia, Nigeria and the United Kingdom) involved in the Global Life Stories Project.
 
These countries are situated in different regions of the world and include both majority and minority Muslim populations and family laws that are either secular or based on religious interpretations. While the countries involved are very different (and thus were analyzed individually in the previous section), it is significant and useful to see how women have had similar experiences across countries despite these differences.
 
Multiple dimensions of qiwamah and wilayah can be seen in classical religious interpretations, contemporary laws and social norms. In Muslim contexts around the world, husbands have an obligation to provide for their wives and children, whether by law or in practice, and wives have a responsibility of obedience in return. This reflects classical understandings and is sometimes reflected in the laws. As a result, sexual relations are often assumed to be the right of husbands and the responsibility of wives. In contemporary Muslim family laws and practices in minority contexts, men can marry up to four wives if they can provide for all of them (and, in some contexts, if they can be just to all). In most contexts, husbands have a unilateral right—legal or customary—to divorce their wives; in contexts where women can initiate divorce, the process is often more difficult because of burdens of proof or requirements that women relinquish some rights. As fathers, men have privileged guardianship rights over their children.
 
But it is clear from the stories documented in this project—crossing national, regional and socioeconomic boundaries—that these standard laws, customs, social norms and community expectations, all of which are justified in the name of religion, are not working for all families. The experiences of families and individual women, men and children who compose them are vastly different from the theory behind the concepts.
 
People are struggling. Many men are burdened by and unable to fulfil the responsibilities of providing and protecting, whether by choice or by circumstance. Many women are shackled by the expectation of obedience, especially when coupled with the necessity of caring for themselves and their children in both financial and emotional ways. Children often see and understand the challenges their elders face, how they struggle and suffer, and are affected by them. The overall wellbeing of families and communities suffer because of the unworkable expectations that are embedded in laws and social norms and justified in the name of religion.
 
At the same time, the women’s stories show the ways in which they are forging pathways towards equality—sincerely and often devoutly—despite the personal and social obstacles they face. Many of the women who shared their stories have been able to process what has happened in their lives, analyze their relationships, better understand the social and gender dynamics that influenced their experiences, and subsequently make choices that could propel them and their families forward. In some cases, women are working with their family members to develop egalitarian relationships and happy, healthy family lives. Despite their struggles, trauma and injustices, the women’s stories on the whole are not dismal. These women are strong, resourceful and in many cases empowered to better their lives.
 

In this section, we begin with an overview of the stories, then share some of the major themes related to Muslim family laws that arose from the participating countries: child marriage; economic roles within the family; polygamy; domestic violence and sexual relations within marriage; divorce and post-divorce rights; and custody and guardianship of children. We then look at broader trends related to how resource persons made sense of their experiences, how they examined and questioned what happened around them and how this influenced their life decisions. We present some pathways that resource persons have used to empower themselves and others. Finally, we offer ways to build equality in family life for women, men and children alike.